I’ve been getting at least one phone call a week from a friend or an acquaintance considering homeschooling next year and wanting to hear more about it firsthand. They are unsure of where schools will be at in September in terms of distance learning and restrictions in person and would rather be in control of their own kid’s education than waiting to see what’s going to happen.
The one concern I hear voiced over and over again is about socialization. Parents are concerned that their kids will miss their friends too much.
This is the #1 question I got asked about homeschooling when I started too. Among homeschoolers, this question is often scoffed at, because after all, homeschooled kids are more social than other kids – they see adults more often, learn to speak with them on a more comfortable level, and aren’t exactly learning first-rate social skills from their 8-year old peers either. (I can never forget that Ryan Reynolds homeschooling meme: “Hey Girl. Tell that cashier we socialize our dogs. We educate our children.”) This is the argument I always mention when people ask me. And I believe what I’m saying, I do.
But.
I gotta be honest – when this all began, I was hyper sensitive to my kids turning into the “weird homeschool kids.” It actually kept me up at night. I remember as a young adult seeing homeschoolers working at the zoo and I thought – those kids definitely don’t have very many friends (as an aside, now when I see those kids, I think “how lucky are they and where can I sign my kids up??”)
In our community, when we started homeschooling, we were definitely the odd ones out. Leaving school meant taking ourselves out of the equation when it comes to class list party invites. It meant less playdates. For a while – and I’m not proud of it – I just felt rejected. Then, my more mature self took over and I realized that it just wasn’t as simple as it used to be. It takes an effort to be our friend. An effort that is hard when you’re juggling work, kids’ school, schedules, etc. I get it. But I still didn’t like it. Sigh.
I remember about a month after we started homeschooling, my 8-year old remarked to me, “Everyone in our class forgot Emma. But I didn’t. Because I’m her real friend.” She added, “They probably forgot me too.” She was saying it in a joking tone but I could hear the hurt underneath. And it ripped me apart inside. I doubted myself, but knew I couldn’t turn back mid-year, nor did I think that was best for my kids’ education to do so.
Now, two years later, here is what I’ve learned. One or two real friendships are worth more than 20 acquaintances. The parents that respond to my barrage of texts still respond to me (you know who you are, and thank you!!), and even text me unprompted. The good friends my kids had before they left school are still their good friends. They’re no weirder now than when they left. Sigh of relief this time.
Does it require effort on my part? Yes. Is it worth it? Yes.
And here’s the awesome part: homeschooling is not all that weird now. There’s a lot of people you know thinking about it or already choosing it for next year – that alone means that there will be more kids to “socialize” with after school is over for the day (because after all homeschool is finished by lunch!).
So take a deep breath (or sigh, or whatever). Know that socialization is for dogs. And your kids will be just fine.