I started this post a while ago, but didn’t publish it, since it felt so raw. Now seems like the right time, as many parents are feeling lost and overwhelmed at what to do with their kids at home for the foreseeable future. With that being said, here’s my post from a couple months back, shared here in hopes that maybe, it’ll help someone somewhere.
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Do you ever have that feeling of being completely overwhelmed? Like you’re drowning and can’t quite get up for air? As a mom, sometimes you just need to lock yourself in a bathroom for a few minutes and do some deep breathing exercises, know what I mean? Well if you don’t, lucky you! Stop reading and keep being the supermom that you are!
But if you know what I’m talking about…hear me out.
I know self-care is so important, but sometimes just thinking about self-care is exhausting, especially when you throw in to-do lists, long division, cleaning the bathrooms, and deciding what to cook for dinner…again. I mean, why do they need to eat Every. Single. Day???
Yesterday was one of those days. I really try to rein in my temper, and keep my outbursts at my children in check, actively choosing to talk calmly and rationally, even when my 6-yr old was having a complete meltdown when her picture ripped 5 minutes before we needed to leave the house.
But then, yesterday, after a whole day of being successful choosing my words, I lost it. We had to leave the house for the second time that day to go to my son’s baseball game. I told everyone to pack their stuff and meet me at the door so we can go in 5 minutes. 5 minutes later, I was at the door but no one else was. Finally, my boys came sauntering over, and my girls? Well, my girls committed the egregious sin of ignoring me altogether and were playing together in their room. That was it for me. I went crazy and I’m not proud of it. We rode in silence to the game. I was fighting back tears the whole time. My husband saw I needed a break when he met us at the game, and I left, driving to the grocery store to buy myself some food.
I have a mix on Amazon Music of all my favorite music (though I probably should sort the songs into “Everything is Awesome!” and “Melancholy is my Best Friend.” ) Anyway, Keep Breathing, by Ingrid Michaelson, came on. I remember loving it after I heard it played in an old Grey’s Anatomy episode. Well, it got me.
As the words came through the speakers, tears began streaming down my face. “People are dying/but I close my blinds…All I can do is keep breathing” It was a message I really needed to hear. At the moment, I couldn’t just go exercise or get a manicure or even listen to a podcast. All I could do was keep breathing. Tell myself that this moment will pass. It was a message I desperately needed to hear.
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We are all very much alone in our houses right now. We are quite literally closing our blinds and having to face the reality inside our walls. There is no right way to do this, despite what you may read. We are all going to have bad moments, hours, entire days, and that’s ok. The important thing is to forgive yourself and get back in the saddle. Don’t give up entirely.
And another thing: Sometimes the thought of what you should be doing is just too overwhelming. The neatly laid out homeschool schedules, perfect projects, science experiments, and healthy lunches of Pinterest and Facebook moms start to cause you to hyperventilate. What you are feeling now is what I felt when I started homeschooling at the beginning of last year. The smorgasbord of options seem endless and – honestly – suffocating. Remember: Don’t compare yourself to anyone else. None of that stuff really matters in the long run, so just forget about it and focus on getting to dinnertime without yelling at anyone.
At the end of the day, if you focus on one thing – focus on choosing love with your kids. That is what they need most. Loving, caring connection. That is what your kids will remember best on the other side of this thing. And you? You just need to keep breathing.